friendships.

Life can be so confusing sometimes. Confusing in a weird and discomforting sort of way.

Like relationships/friendships. These confuse me a lot sometimes. And make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes guilty. And make me wonder how they really work. Be curious about whether other people have the same things happening in their lives as me. Strangely distanced friendships.

There are the friends you used to be really close with and share tons with, and see lots, and you have billion of amazing memories, as well as hurtful and growing memories. And then somehow those relationships faded in a short summer and are only somewhat there. You see them and you have great times. But the closeness is gone. You feel a sort of distance between you.

Then there are the friendships that, no matter how long you don't talk or email or keep in contact with, you can just bounce back to where you left off and keep going. Sharing. Confiding in. Nothing will change those friendships. I am so thankful for these.

And then there are the friends that you are closest with now. Who you talk to a lot, share with, miss even if you don't see them for just a short week, go to parties with. The ones that you would label as your "best friends". The ones you share almost everything with.

And of those "categories", there are the ones that you can talk about God with. And the ones that are only fun and laughter and to talk about God would be awkward. And yet both sides are Christians. This always confuses me.

I can easily say with all my heart that I love all of my former and present, "close" and "distant" friends. I do. But it's not the same.


Life changes when you get older. I am reminded of that again and again. As I spend more time on this earth. This year has been a huge flip for me. A strange, yet good, experience. Different "close" friends, a boyfriend, keeping up with two families, keeping up with a growing and vast number of friends/acquaintances.


I experienced it all over again this weekend. Seeing friends I haven't seen in a while and hanging out with them. It's hard to balance. To think about. To keep hanging onto so many special and wonderful people.

Why do friendships have to fade like that? Why does keeping up with so many people have to be so hard? How can you keep friendships that once meant so much to you and hold onto them forever? Why do friendship mysteriously fade? And mysteriously grow and become more important than others? Do you experience this same thing?



"Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them."


True. But hard. And the only way that this is true is because of the Lord's help.





It's hard. I don't know if I like it.