May 31, 2008

in the dark.

the sound of a train whistle in the dark is very lonely.

May 30, 2008

on a happier note......oh wait, maybe not.

The 'happier note' referring to the three adorable kittens born on my birthday in our barn.





The 'maybe not' referring to the death of one of the four kittens born a week after my birthday in our barn.

May 29, 2008

"I Asked the Lord"

sometimes it hurts real bad that she's not here.

May 28, 2008

she sees love where anyone else would see weeds...Lord search my heart, create in me something clean; dandelions, You see flowers in these weeds.


A blur of yellow spreads out for miles before you. One sees an ugly field of weeds. Weed upon weed upon weed. The other sees a vast array of beautiful flowers. What do you see?
What does God see? Weeds or flowers in your life? If He sees weeds, He can change them into flowers you know. Just go talk to Him. Confess to Him. Pour it out before Him. Ask Him to change those ugly weeds into beautiful flowers.
A glorious array of yellow!
Title attributed to "Dandelions" by FIF.

wrench.

Just when you think you have everything all planned out perfectly.



God changes things.

Reminds you that He's in control, not you.
And His plan is always the best.

even in control of the small things: like camp.


May 26, 2008

tired?

three weeks to exam.

another LW done.

lots of driving.

burned to a crisp.

warm weather finally.

hanging out with people.


wisdom teeth? ugh.

May 22, 2008

may 22

amy and monica have officially been out of the country for one month now. is that even possible? i feel like that month has crawled by. but amy? she feels that it has flown by, and doesn't want only two months to be left.


May 21, 2008

"carol-lee, you're so cool!"

I made a discovery: I don't know how to take compliments.

Yes, I turn red. But I also never know what to say, or deny what someone is complimenting me on, or say something really stupid.

It would probably be beneficial to just say thank you, or leave my reply to the blush on my face.


I don't really like compliments, actually. I mean, I do like them, and I don't let them go to my head, because that's just a really stupid thing to do. But compliments are something I find really awkward to take.

May 20, 2008

simple poetry

oh what peace we often forfeit
oh what needless pain we bear
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer


in love...

...with my Savior.


Selah singing hymns, reading Psalms, playing praise songs, walking in God's newly budding creation.
Thinking on love. What it means to love. Love people.
Love GOD.
What God's demonstration of love means. In life. For eternity.

Talking to someone across the ocean and hearing the power of God, the crazy things that happen, the learning process of trust and joy in everything.
Considering all the people in my life.


Feeling BLESSED beyond all I could ever think, ever imagine, ever could think to ask for. Why me??? Why Lord? Such irresistible love!




Now to Him who is able to do

immeasurably more
than all we ask
or imagine,
according to His power
that is at work
within us.
Ephesians 3:20


May 17, 2008

the most excellent way.

why is it that it is so hard? to love people as you should? to be selfless and sincere?


Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Romans 12:9-11

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Romans 12:16


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

May 16, 2008

one, two, three, or four? which type are you? a combo? me too!

I was reading a book on teaching today. There were a few chapters on character types. I always find these kind of things really interesting...and usually kind of embarrassing once I discover what my 'type' is. In this case, I'm a mix of two...possibly three. What are you???


Type Casting
from
That's a Good Question
by Marienne Uszler


Follow-ers.
Some people are literal and factual. They respond to order and are willing to obey rules, but they also expect others to do the same and are uncomfortable, perhaps resentful, if this isn't the case. They try to do what's expected, but they always want to know exactly what's expected, and they're seldom interested to go beyond any stated perimeters. They're usually dependable, and feel they should be rewarded for this. They want to know what and where the boundaries are.


Do-ers.
Other people are interested in facts and activities as long as they find them attractive or useful. For them, it's more important to be active than to follow procedures. They like to plunge right in, without preparation or guidance, trusting their instincts. Their interests can be short-lived, and they hope from one activity to another with no care as to whether the activity is completed or successful, often abandoning the activity if they meet any snags.


Think-ers.
Then there are the people who, though they can quickly grasp facts and store them for future use, always want to know what's behind the facts, why they're true. They're sometimes willing to follow rules, but often feel that they can jump ahead and second-guess what the outcome should be. They love working alone, thinking through things at their own speed, making their own plans. They enjoy research and can be very persistent tracking down details that seem important to them.


Feel-ers.
For some people, feeling are far more important than facts. They follow rules largely because they know that will please others. They wish to like, and be liked. They enjoy working in groups because this offers human interactions and sometimes gives them a chance to help others (which they love to do). Because they live close to their own emotions, they can't function well if they feel that anything is "wrong", or if they or someone else may be "hurting".

on a different note

gmail is the best.


what would i do without gmail and its incredible organization?

the one i miss.

Weirded out.

So when I synced my zen to my computer the first time, it synced all of the playlists from my media player, as well as all the music. One of the playlists was Amy's playlist. I listened to it last night...and started missing her. She had some good, sad songs on it.

Then I get up this morning and check my email and my blog, and find one of Amy's favorite verses on my blog, Zephaniah 3:17.


I love you Amy. And I don't know if you're starting to miss home yet, but I'm starting to miss you.

May 15, 2008

your shadow walks faster than you

So I think it's pretty sad that I don't have anything to say. Very sad. There must be something!

What have I been doing with my time this week? The time I used to spend pouring over history facts and writing harmony questions? Well...let me tell you. This week has been quite random, different, relaxing, lazy, enjoyable, and strange. If one word could describe it, I think weird would be close to appropriate. Out of the ordinary, that's for sure.

This week, about 2 hours of tuesday, wednesday and friday are/will be spent watching my piano teacher, and a friend of hers, teach. If I get nothing else out of this excersise, I am being inspired. I will be satisfied with that. Being inspired to be a better teacher. To stretch myself and get out of the box in teaching.
But I am not only being inspired. I'm learning tricks too. Teaching tricks. But if you want to know those tricks, you'll have to either take piano lessons from me or have your kids take piano lessons from me in the future. Tehe.

I've also been biking with my brothers everyday...except yesterday 'cause it rained:( Yes, biking. I figure, I have to get back into shape, before I go to work again and they kill me the first day! I'm pretty sure that would happen, because I've been "sitting around" all winter, either at my desk, at a piano, in a church pew, in a car, or on the couch. That's a lot of sitting. So, bring on the sun and get me on that bike!!

Hmm...what else. Oh! I made two random, surprise visits. One was made to Nadine. That was fun...she was kind of speechless when she opened the door. 'Twas a rare sight. 'What are you doing here?'...and Dan and Chris laughing because they already knew I was coming. Love you Nadine! The other visit was made to Anton...who else? Well, it was only half a surprise, cause we kind of talked about me coming on Tuesday night, but we didn't really confirm it. I called his mom and then I was there before he got home from work. Yup. I've decided that I should do surprise visits more often. They're a lot of fun!! Try it sometime.

I also started reading C.S.Lewis's Screwtape Letters. All I can say about that is 'wow.' They're a must-read. How did Lewis come up with this stuff? Is it truly how demon's work? They sure are crafty, and I definitely don't ever want to let them twist my thoughts in such ways. (haha...did you know that C.S.Lewis used the phrase "ish"??)

The best thing, where it is possible, is to keep the patient (we are reffered to as 'patients'!) from the serious intention of praying altogether...if this fails, you must fall back on a subtler misdirection of his intention...The simplest is to turn their gaze away
from Him towards themselves. Keep them watching their own minds and trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills...But even if He defeats your first attempt at misdirection, we have a subtler weapon. The humans do not start from that direct perception of Him which we, unhappily, cannot avoid...If you examine the object to which he is attending, you will find that it is a composite object containing many quite ridiculous ingredients. There will be images derived from pictures of the Enemy (God.) as He appeared during the discreditable episode known as the Incarnation...I have known cases where what the patient called his "God" was actually located - up and to the left at the corner of the bedroom ceiling, or inside his own head, or in a crucifix on the wall. But whatever the nature of the composite object, you must keep him praying to it. - page 195-96

But anyway, read the whole book for yourself sometime. Add it to your summer reading list.

Other random things: I called Amy, laid on the trampoline and tried to burn, read my Bible on the trampoline even though it was a little chilly, drove Kim to drivers-ed, got a Birthday card in the mail from Steve and Amy (and baby!), listened/listening to lots of Jack Johnson and Coldplay.


I hope that satisfies my blog for a while. Because I've run out of things to say again.

la de dah

Could it be possible? Has it actually happened?


I have nothing to post.
Thus, the lack of posts in the past few days.

May 12, 2008

dear friends and family

thank you for your support and encouragement and interest in the exam prep and writing the exams. God bless you all for blessing me through you.

love carol-lee

dear brittni

thank you for the past two sundays. of hanging out and talking and laughing and being tired and sharing. i love you.

love carol-lee

May 10, 2008

huzzah!

did 'em both.

freedom!!!...ish. two more in June......but no more history..or harmony!!



yesh! (the 'h' was intentional:P)




i actually didn't mind the harmony....but, it was time-consuming.

May 8, 2008

little joys



oh look...you're so proud of me!!!

:)
haha

- - - - - - - - -



today i saw a small clump of tulips growing on the side of the road right in the middle of nowhere. made me happy.

May 7, 2008

you have heard it said...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7



Rejoice? Even in exams? Yes. Even in exams. Rejoice because I am with you.

Don't be anxious? Pray? Yes. My peace will guard your heart and mind. Just present your fears and stress and worries to Me. I'll take care of everything.



In three days two of four exams are done!

news!

For an update from Amy and Monica, check out their blog. They finally posted again!

May 6, 2008

with thanksgiving I'll be a living sanctuary for You.

The last five days have flown by. They consisted of AOC, hanging out with some friends on Sunday, and my 20th birthday. I learned some things. Things I needed to be reminded of.





One of those things is that people are something to cherish. I'm not just talking about people that are your friends. By people I mean people that you are close with, people that you talk to a few times a year, people you've only heard of, people you've never talked to, people you notice that may need a friend, people you have poured your heart out to, people you share struggles with, people who encourage you, people you do Bible study with, people who show God's love in their character and smile.

I came in contact with so many people this weekend. In different ways, for different reasons. Accompanying a choir. Helping lead alto sectionals. Singing in a choir. Doing auditions. Co-leading a Bible study group. Leader devotions. Playing piano and singing background vocals at Coffee House. Hanging around. Dancing. Playing games. Eating. Having a sore wrist. Visiting the same church. Celebrating my birthday. Being friends. Sharing struggles. Walking. Laughing.

All the people that I talked to, sat with, sang with, led with, laughed with, walked with, shared with, were encouraging to me in different ways. God just really showed me how beautiful people are. And how unique and special each person is. And I shared two things with them all that unified us. God and/or music.






- - -

Yesterday was probably one of my favorite birthdays ever. I was treated like a queen. I received more phone calls than I ever have on a birthday. Amy Williamson, my sister Amy, Nadine and Chris, Grandma. I received some very special emails from Brittni, Kathleen and Jacinda. I received a nice card from the Lodder family (and I found a video on my camera from them too:P). My family gave me some sweet gifts, my mom made me an amazing dinner, my sister made me a delicious cake, my grandparents came over to visit. And my boyfriend started working a day late just so he could come and visit me, plus he gave me a really sweet gift:)

But in all that, once again I was reminded just how special people are. Especially friends. Sisters and brothers in Christ. And also how much God loves me. And encourages me and teaches me through all these people. He loves me. And guides me. And takes care of me.

- - -





Oh, the depths of the riches of
the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His judgments,
and His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?
For from Him and through Him
and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever!
Amen.
- Romans 11:33-36

May 1, 2008

time, it's changing me

On Monday, I will turn 20. My 21st year of life. Learning and growing. Falling and being picked up again. Loving and hurting. Praising and neglecting. Learning and cherishing.

Many things have happened to me in 20 years. I can't even begin to think about it all. Even the last five years have brought drastic changes. Challenges. What will the next 20 years bring?



the fruit of the Spirit is

love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control

against such there is no law
- galatians 5:22-23