friendships.

Life can be so confusing sometimes. Confusing in a weird and discomforting sort of way.

Like relationships/friendships. These confuse me a lot sometimes. And make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes guilty. And make me wonder how they really work. Be curious about whether other people have the same things happening in their lives as me. Strangely distanced friendships.

There are the friends you used to be really close with and share tons with, and see lots, and you have billion of amazing memories, as well as hurtful and growing memories. And then somehow those relationships faded in a short summer and are only somewhat there. You see them and you have great times. But the closeness is gone. You feel a sort of distance between you.

Then there are the friendships that, no matter how long you don't talk or email or keep in contact with, you can just bounce back to where you left off and keep going. Sharing. Confiding in. Nothing will change those friendships. I am so thankful for these.

And then there are the friends that you are closest with now. Who you talk to a lot, share with, miss even if you don't see them for just a short week, go to parties with. The ones that you would label as your "best friends". The ones you share almost everything with.

And of those "categories", there are the ones that you can talk about God with. And the ones that are only fun and laughter and to talk about God would be awkward. And yet both sides are Christians. This always confuses me.

I can easily say with all my heart that I love all of my former and present, "close" and "distant" friends. I do. But it's not the same.


Life changes when you get older. I am reminded of that again and again. As I spend more time on this earth. This year has been a huge flip for me. A strange, yet good, experience. Different "close" friends, a boyfriend, keeping up with two families, keeping up with a growing and vast number of friends/acquaintances.


I experienced it all over again this weekend. Seeing friends I haven't seen in a while and hanging out with them. It's hard to balance. To think about. To keep hanging onto so many special and wonderful people.

Why do friendships have to fade like that? Why does keeping up with so many people have to be so hard? How can you keep friendships that once meant so much to you and hold onto them forever? Why do friendship mysteriously fade? And mysteriously grow and become more important than others? Do you experience this same thing?



"Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them."


True. But hard. And the only way that this is true is because of the Lord's help.





It's hard. I don't know if I like it.

breath taking.

Story: After a 5 minute visit to Cambridge half an hour ago to do some photocopying, I looked in the rearview mirror...

...and saw this:

I quickly dumped my bag on Amy's lap and told her to get the camera out and take pictures! She did...all the way home. (The first picture is compliments of Amy.)

Then when we got to our driveway, we hopped out of the car, I grabbed the camera, turned the flash off and took a bunch more. These are some of them.

Moral of the story: It's a good idea to look in your rearview mirror when you're driving. If you don't, you might miss it ("it" shall be left for you to discover).

sports?

How is it that people think they can make me play sports?




Man. I'm a push-over. I give in too easily.

And people know how to make me feel guilty...


Has someone failed to inform them that I am a musician, not an athlete? My limbs are very important. And not to be stressed or hurt by athletic taxation!

last of kiwanis.

The masterclass was amazing. I have some work to do:)


And I got first place for sight-reading.




I had fun, and learned a lot, but...I'm glad it's over too.

masterclass.

The adjudactor of the senior piano classes selects 8 people every year to have a masterclass with him - which includes a 15 minute lesson with him and watching him give the other 7 short lessons as well.


I was one of them!! Pretty stoked about that.

It's today.

done.

I just finished that crazy big project.

Now I can finally get back to studying that History.





And register for four exams....ahhh!!

Somehow actually registering for them makes is so much more real and scary and stressful.

important to remember I think.

read todays 'verse of the day'. I think it means a lot. Think about it.

He who covers an offense promotes love, but he who repeats the matter separates close friends.
proverbs 17:9

day two.

I received second for my Mozart Sonata in A major. Quite happy with that.


And we witnessed quite the show from one of my competitors...crazy performance! Literally, a performance, not just a competition. I think he thought he was performing in front of a huge crowd.

"check this out" he says.

I've been listening to Mark Mathis for a while now. I like his music. Thanks Anton:)

You should check out http://www.myspace.com/markmathis. Listen to his songs.


And especially his new song, Christian Schools. Also, click on the link for his blog and read the post on that song. He was homeschooled!! (Sorry, I just thought that was cool because so was I. And I also only went to school for the same grades as he did. Just thought that was cool!)

kiwanis.

day one:

first place for my prelude and fugue:)



woot!!!

nice thought.

I wouldn't even be mad if anyone decided they would share some new music with me:)

Please?

my earthly dwelling place most of the time.

THIS is where I sit every day...except on weekends...and study. Things that you will always see on my desk: a glass of water, a bountiful supply of pens and pencils, a Bible, a stack of paper to write quick notes on, a laptop and printer, books and papers either neatly piled up or strewn across the desk, and candles.












Here is the stack of books that my teacher gave me last week to thoroughly analyze. I don't think I knew what it meant to thoroughly analyze a music book until now. These are not just books. They are music books for beginning music students.

Alfred, Bastien, Boris Berlin, Hal Leonard, Celebrate Piano.



I am a third of the way done, five hours later.

new look.

again.

I got bored with the old one:)




Happy Valentine's Day...

the love of a little boy...

...for his family.

evidence of which we did partake this evening for Valentine's Day - a beautiful heart shaped chocolate cake, which was schemed up and eagerly anticipated for months.

we could 'taste' the love:)

we love you too Aaron.

cringe.

our piano is really out of tune!

i hope it actually stays in tune this time.

because it's really frustrating when it doesn't.

what if you should say you don't want me in your life?

dedicated to all my dear friends: I love you.

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Ohhh - Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
Let's take a breath, jump over the side.
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
You know that darkness always turns into light.
Ooh-ooh, that's right
What If by Coldplay

Psalm 55

Micah 7:5-7

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I hope you will remain my friend for a long time. That I won't hurt you. Or you hurt me. That Christ will help us be loyal friends to each other.

hoky dina.

I'm a little freaked out....and feel kinda old.

wow.

update.

they're getting better slowly:D


~ ~ ~ ~

notice the new 'verse of the day' feature!!

Clive "Jack" Staples Lewis

C. S. Lewis is probably ranks up there as one of the most popular, and well loved, Christian authors. I think my favorite of his writings are The Chronicles of Narnia, especially The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

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So, my brother has been listening to the Focus on the Family Radio production of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobw over the past few days...right outside my bedroom door. Which makes it very easy for me to multi-task: listen and study at the same time:) I think every time I hear this story, I see more and more of the imagery Lewis used of the story of Christ.


Last night we watched the movie (the "new" one). I think the part that affected me the most this time was when the witch and her evil army meet Aslan at the stone table and mock him, beat him, shave him, tie him up, dance in victory over his scared body, and kill him. If that is anything at all like what it was really like when Jesus was tormented and humiliated by His enemies, that whole section of the Bible makes a lot more sense, and a lot more sorrow, to me than it used to.

I also used to think that Lucy and Susan where the disciples that Jesus took with Him when He went to the Mount of Olives to pray. But I don't think so anymore. I think that they represent the women who were always present, following Jesus, through His death, burial, resurrection. They were always there, weaping and watching. Just like Lucy and Susan. (Read Matthew 27:55-56, 61, 28:1-10.)

It's cool how the stone table is broken, like the curtain in the temple. They both showed the fulfillment of something.

I could go on and on, but...you should read/watch/listen to it again yourself soon. And read the whole story of Jesus humilitation, death, burial, and resurrection along with it. Read and ponder.

psalm 34 verse 8.

oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.

in awe...

I don't know what's going on, but God is doing whatever it is, that's for sure.


It's amazing when you can actually see that He's working and showering His grace all over.

painfully aware of human weakness.

Yes I'm encouraged.



But that does not mean I don't have a source of bitterness as well. This is mine. The sight of a tensor bandage reminds me that I can be spiritually well and physically not at the same time. Happy and sad. Full of joy and full of annoyance. On a high. And a low.

My arms are causing me trouble again. Which basically affects everything I do. Writing, typing, playing piano, playing violin. It's just frustrating that the most important part of my body right now is the least healthy. The part that looks at this picture and says, 'you're my best friend.' My arm. And Guelph Kiwanis is in a week and a half. At which I compete and perform three times.

Arms, get better!

encouraged.

This past weekend we had youth group on Saturday night, and then we had lunch and another Bible study on Sunday.

We addressed UNITY in our group.


And tried a new idea for Bible studies. Instead of using study material, we each read a passage (Romans 14) alone for 20 minutes and then got together in small groups to discuss what we found and read and thought about it.



I'm strongly encouraged by the results so far. And the enthusiastic feedback from people on how much they liked it.

Youth group was actually encouraging to me this weekend. That's amazing!

post on love.

as I said before, I have been learning a ton about love in the past few months. hopefully this summary makes sense. It is only a small taste of what I have been learning and am being tested on.

based on I Corinthians 13:4-8a



Love is patient. bearing or enduring provoking or annoyance, puts up with things that you don't like in a person.

Love is kind. thoughtful, always puts others before themselves, caring, there when others need a friend or a chat.

Love...does not envy. does not expressly show that they are jealous of someone else, is content with what God has given them.

Love...does not boast. does not parade around and talk about themselves all the time.

Love...is not proud. same as boasting, not full of yourself, but humble in Christ. I think humility and love are very similar, and closely connected.

Love...is not rude. puts others first, thinks about how actions/thoughts/words will affect those around them.

Love...is not self-seeking. forgets about themselves and what they deeply desire and serves others unconditionally.

Love...is not easily angered. even when jealous, or bitter towards someone, you don't show your anger, you keep it inside. Which explains where it says that we should be angry and not sin (Eph 4:26).

Love...keeps no record of wrongs. does not let someone else's rude actions towards them keep them from returning love to that person, but forgives no matter what.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. does not support lies in anyway, but does everything possible to promote truth and destroy evil.

Love...always protects. cares for, treasures, cherishes.

Love...always trusts. believes, relies on, and depends on God, and relays that to those who need to be uplifted in that.

Love...always hopes. has faith in God's plan, encourages when the road is rough.

Love...always perseveres. holds on to the Word and the promises of God, keeps pressing forward.

Love never fails. is everlasting, never ending, contiuous, always pulls through, always present.

Christ in me is love. Christ in you is love. Christ IS love!



No matter what (in other words, no matter who/when/where/why/in whatever situation) it is . . .

LOVE.

That can never be emphasized enough.

for tomorrow.

happy birthday my dear Justine.

I love you. in many ways.

'happy sigh'

Wow.


I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to be back. I just checked out the blogs I have on my blog roll and I've missed you all soo much!! Well, I've seen all of you, but I haven't been on your blogs in a while, and I missed that part of you all.

I have nothing extra-ordinary to say yet. I have to get into the whole blogger mode again. One thing I'll say is this:

God's been teaching me about TRUE love.

fast over.

After almost one whole month, I am finally back.

Fasting is good, even though it's [insert extreme word here] hard!



Okay, I need to catch up in the blogging world. I'm going to start by checking everyone else's blogs:)

not stopping.

deciding that I get a lot more done without these things previously mentioned, I've decided to continue.

for an undetermined length of time...


maybe I'll come back one day. to blogger and gchat.

but please don't forget that I have email still. And I use it.

news flash.

I'm going on a blog/chat/internet fast.

Starting with one week. Maybe I'll go longer.


Don't let this cut off our friendships though. I have email and phone still:)

church this morning.

On the good and faithful God has set His love;
When they call He sends them blessings from above.
Stand in awe, and sin not, bid your heart be still;
Through the silent watches think upon His will.

Lay upon God’s altar good and loving deeds,
And in all things trust Him to supply your needs.
Anxious and despairing, many walk in night;
But to those that fear Him God will send His light.

In God’s love abiding, I have joy and peace
More than all the wicked, though their wealth increase.
In His care confiding, I will sweetly sleep.
For the Lord, my Savior, will in safety keep.

back to work. back to school.

started work again today.

studying starts on monday again. oh joy.

I will try to fix you.

Crying hurts sometimes.

I hurt. For me. For friends. Crying sucks. But it's good if it makes you feel better.

- - - - - - - - - -

On a happier note:

Happy Birthday Anton.

an odd feeling. and a good one.

I wrote the letters 2 0 0 8 for the first time today. Well, for the first time in reference to the year 2008 anyway:) It felt odd. And I started thinking about what this year will bring, particularily in May and June (exams, and turning 20!!!) and I started getting scared and anxious and stressed out.

- - - - - -

This is my new favorite passage.

Isaiah 43:1-7
1 But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned . Nor shall the flame scorch you.
3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
4 Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you; therefore I will give men for you and people for your life.
5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, and gather you from the west;
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not keep them back!' Bring My sons from afar, and My daughters from the ends of the earth -
7 Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.

- - - - - -

Maybe I should think a bit more what this passage says. That God loves me. And so I shouldn't worry about what this year will bring my way.

beauty. right in my front yard. great start to a new year.

a fresh year.

welcome 2008. with a hug. and a cry. and singing around a fire in the middle of a whole lot of snow. with your friends. fellow Christians. and God. in His beautiful 'up north'. at my second home - campfire.

look outside. at the trees. the snow. the beauty and majesty of God.

Read Psalm 19.
yeah.

tiredness.

finally a day of relaxation and staying home-ness.

I think that's the craziest Christmas I've ever had.


it was crazy fun! but now I have to stock up on energy for NY at campfire.

they're gone. but the partying continues.

my relatives left at 6:00 this morning. and yes, I got up to say goodbye. (I didn't cry!)

haha. and then I went back to bed. It felt good.

So today my whole family, minus me of course, went to Blue Mountain with my mom's brother to go skiing/snowboarding for the first time ever. Lucky them. I'm staying home...and going to another Christmas thing...and protecting my very important limbs from breakage.


What do I do at home all alone? For a whole entire morning? Well, pumping the stereo is a given...maybe I'll work on my puzzle.....and take a nap:)

it's begun.

partying has begun....

and their visit is almost half over already:(


I like jamming and recording with Curtis (my "pretty much" super tall, fun, ever-laughing cousin) he reminds me of Chris Muis:P

yeah. I love Christmas for all the family fun.

CHRISTmas.

I was sitting on the couch by the tree reading my Bible and it hit me all over again.


Christmas is not about trees. It's about a baby, who is called

Wonderful
Counsellor
Mighty God
Everlasting Father
Prince of Peace

Amazing love. Amazing miracle of love.

house invasion!

my aunt and uncle and four cousins from NC are coming tomorrow night!!

I'm super excited. even though my room will be invaded by my two younger sisters for almost a week. it's worth it.

when your mind won't stop.

i fell asleep listening to Jack Johnson last night.

trees.

Christmas trees smell so good. mmmm...so good!

I love looking at them, looking at the presents underneath.

"Christmas" is so pretty.

christmas is in the air.

my Christmas looks like it will consist of:

• opening gifts and hanging out with my family
• my aunt and uncle and four cousins from NC
• food, tons of it!
• playing in church on Christmas morning
• sharing gifts
• caroling on Christmas Eve
• skating with my church
• family gatherings
• sleeping in as long as I want
• maybe reading a book
• practicing piano...
• Christmas music, hopefully Sufjan
• meeting lots of new people
• and hopefully, lots of snow...just no snow storms please:)

I'm pretty excited...only two more days of studying and finishing cards and gifts. Wow, I can't believe it's actually almost here.

thoughts on version of the Bible.

i think i like the NIV. i've been hearing it a lot lately in church, and hearing it in youth group Bible studies too. and i think i like it. sometimes it has words that i like better or i can identify with easier. and other times it has way better sentence construction!

it won't stop.

it just keeps snowing. and snowing and snowing! and it's so beautiful. better than beautiful. gorgeous! so much gorgeousness:)

.

snowed in.

church was cancelled this morning.


oh snow. i love the cozy feeling it leaves you with when you're "snowed in" and you have a coffee in your hand as you watch the snow coming down. and you're home with your family.

yet, i still would rather go to church.

coldplay.

on sunday i heard this song for the first time. i almost cried.

and now i'm borrowing Nadine's zen and i've been listening to it over and over.

i love it.

FIX YOU

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

i like the relaxing sound of coldplay. and their songs about feelings and life. even though they don't always give hope...the hope of Christ. it just triggers something in me.

"You're will be done"

2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

'But he said to me,

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power

is made perfect in weakness." Therefore

I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake,

I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardshps,

in persecutions, in dfficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.'

i'm blogging this for Ben and Anton:)

yup.


because i played a harpsichord on Monday before the choir concert.

and i didn't just play anything on it. i played a fugue.



wish you could have heard it. it would have made you laugh.

sorry everyone else....there's an inside joke here:)

yes!

someone's stress is over tonight.

i found it.

http://www.myspace.com/dustinkensrue

the other songs aren't my favorite. but Please Come Home is pretty good.

friends forever.

a recent email from a dear friend since i was small, who i have so many precious memories with, and a prelude played by another friend last night, and reading blogs, and talking to people has renewed my passion for this song.

i can never thank God enough for people. and more than that, for friends.

Words: Deborah D. Smith
Music: Michael W. Smith

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

concert.

it went well. very well indeed.

Sonia is close the the best director ever.


all praise to God for His indescribable gift of love.

christmas.

choir concert in 5 hours. i'm the pianist for the highschool choir.

oh dear.


i'm getting sick of Christmas and the holiday festivities haven't even begun.

oh dear.

dance with all your might.

i've decided i like dancing.

ie. square dancing


i'll teach you sometime. it's so much fun.

~~~~

and weekends are very nice.

yeah.

sometimes that's just how hard rain comes down.
~unknown

please come home. please come home. I love you.

i've gotten a lot of good songs from a good friend lately. i really like this one. it is based on the story of the prodigal son from Luke 15:11-32. i know, i know...songs aren't the same when you're just reading the lyrics rather than hearing the musical version. but i couldn't on the mySpace site for this song, so...this will have to do

. . . . . . .

Well, I woke one morning
Found you staring down at me
You said "I'll take my share now, father please"
And you took your money
And you took your leave
You drilled my heart and turned your back on me

And you hit the town
And you hit the bottle hard
You race 'round in your fancy cars and you blow all your money
On brothels, beds, and bars
Before you know your broken times get hard

I still stand here waiting
With my eyes fixed on the road
And I fight back tears and I wonder
If you're ever coming home
Don't you know son that I love you
And I don't care where you've been
So please come home

And now you've hit bottom
All those open doors have shut
And you're hungry stomach's tied in knots
But I know what you're thinking
That you troubled me enough
Nothing could ever separate you from my love

I still stand here waiting
With my eyes fixed on the road
And I fight back tears and I wonder
If you're ever coming home
Don't you know son that I love you
And I don't care where you've been

Yes and I'll be right here waiting
'Till you come around the bend
And I run to you and hold you close
Won't let go again

So, please come home
Please come home

Don't you know son that I love you?
And I don't care where you've been
Please come home

~ Dustin Kensrue

overflow.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

flow over Your rivers into my life. of:

joy
contentment
love
compassion
kindness
selflessness
trust
patience
hope
humility
faith



i am called to worship You.
i will wait for You

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

exams=stress

so apparently some people thought my last post was
interesting:)

- - - - - - - -

and here I sit while millions of people my age are stressing about exams. I'm glad I'm not one of them. I just stress out for them because I know what exams are like. Well, not four in one week, but I know exams are stressful. I think I'll be there in the spring. Don't get too jealous of me yet:) My time is coming. One Advanced Harmony 5 exam and one History 5 Romantic Era to the Present exam within two days in May, and a lovely Practical ARCT Piano (with two parts, one playing, and one teaching) exam in June. ugh. So while I support all you in exams right now, I expect it all back in a few months. :)

commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. proverbs 16:3

a little look at what i study day in and day out.

okay. so this is a really boring post. i don't blame you for not reading the whole thing. or not reading any of it. but here is a small itty bitty glimpse of what i study and teach myself everyday in music history. like i said, this is only a very small portion of it.

its pretty exciting. but boring. at the same time. if that's even possible.

- - - - - - - - - -

The life and music of:

Robert Schumann (1810-1856)

Robert Schumann was born in Zwickau, Germany, to a bookseller who passed on his literary love to his son. At his mother’s insistence, he studied law, first at the University of Leipzig, then at Heidelberg. During this time, he immersed himself in the poetry of Byron and Goethe, attending an occasional lecture, and surrendered himself more and more to his passion for music, daydreaming at the piano. After convincing his mother, he returned to Leipzig to study under one of the foremost teachers of the day, Friedrich Wieck. He practiced intensively to make up for his late start, but physical difficulties in his right hand fingers ended his hopes as a pianist. He turned to composing, and in a burst of creative energy, composed his most important piano works while still in his 20s. His literary bent found expression in The New Journal of Music, which he founded, and under his direction, it became one of the most important journals for music criticism in Europe.

In the 1830s, his hectic life was intensified by his courtship of the gifted pianist and composer, Clara Wieck, daughter of his teacher. Her father opposed the marriage with a vehemence that bordered on the psychopathic. Clara was his supreme achievement, and he refused to surrender her to another. The couple was forced to go the court against him, and in 1840, they were married. Robert was 30, and Clara 21. This was Robert’s year of song, in which he composed over 100 Lieder, which represent his lyric gift at its purest.

The two musicians settled in Leipzig, pursuing their careers side by side. Clara became the foremost interpreter of Robert’s piano music, and contributed greatly to the spread of his fame. But neither her love, nor that of their children, could ward off the growing withdrawal from society that plagued her husband. Moodiness and nervous exhaustion grew into a severe breakdown in 1844. The couple moved to Dresden where he appeared to recover. However, the periods of depression returned even more frequently.

In 1850, Schumann was named the director of Düssendorf, but he was ill suited for public life, so he had to retire from the post. He began to complain of unnatural noises in his head. He continued to experience auditory hallucinations, once even rising in the middle of the night to write down a theme he imagined had been brought to him by spirits of Schubert and Mendelssohn. This was his last melody. A week later, in a fit of depression, he threw himself in the Rhine river, and was rescued by fishermen. Clara had no choice but to place him in a private asylum near Bonn, where he died two years later.

Schumann is the true romantic. His piano pieces brim with impassioned melodies, novel changes in harmony, and driving rhythms. He often attached literary meanings to his music, giving them characteristic titles. He was especially fond of cycles of short pieces connected by a literary theme or musical motto.

Schumann ranks second only to Schubert in composing Lieder. A common theme he liked to use was love, especially from a woman’s point of view. His four symphonies are Romantic in feeling, and communicate a lyric freshness that has preserved their appeal.

- - - - - - - - - -

like i said. i don't blame you for not reading all of that.

:P

a gift.

someone i've worked with for the past two summers gave me a really amazingly good Christmas present at LW.

druppies!! and not just a few....a huge bag of them. double salted and everything.


oooh man. so good....and addicting:)


and embarrassingly enough, a funny story is attached to them...cough cough.


thank you Sarah!

tired.

Living Worship was great! Wentworth was good.

. . . but my vocal chords are dead. and i'm super tired.



i need a week to catch up on sleep. and get my energy back.


before next weekend hits.

challenges. encouragement.

. . . . . . .
i like it when friends challenge and encourage me to think more. to think deeper. to go deeper than the surface. the business of everyday life. to analyze things. to dig deep inside and search for things.

bad things.

good things.

hard things.

easy things.

confusing things.



what I really believe.

what my life looks like.

what it looks like in comparison to the Bible.

what it looks like with my family. with my friends.

with God.


because too often i find myself floating through life. not thinking about what is important. not comparing what i'm doing and living with what it truth. the Bible. and not living it for God. giving it to Him in prayer. everyday.

so to all the precious people in my life who do that - thank you.

and thank you God for the gift of those people.
. . . . . . .

christmas music.

if you haven't found Christmas music that you like yet...among all the so-called annoying music you hear on the radio and in the malls these days....

listen to Sufjan Steven's five Christmas Albums. you'll love them.


i think i like them because they don't always have perfect intonation. or perfect harmonies. they improvise. make up parts. they're just having fun singing and playing Christmas songs. they're sharing their joy of Christmas with the world. and don't care if it's not perfect.

and it's beautiful. easy to listen to. relaxing. in a Sufjan kind of way.



oh, i love Christmas music. gives me the fuzzy, warm feel of winter and Christmas time.

LW.

Living Worship is in TWO days!!!!!



YES! i'm totally pumped.

don't do this.

i hate it when i turn to people instead of God.

Christ in our place.

.

something that i have been reading a lot over the past few weeks, and been thinking about, is this passage. it never ceases to amaze me that this is true. and that God would do this for His enemies, sinners...us. you. me.

Romans 5:6-11
6 for when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 for scarcely for a righteaous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die.
8 but God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9 much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.
10 for if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.
11 and not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

and as a result of this joy in being reconciled, we are to live for Him. give ourselves fully to God. our bodies. our thoughts. our hearts. our souls. every second. every action.

Romans 6:11-14
11 likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.
13 and do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.
14 for sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under the law but under grace.

.

confronted.

i've been confronted. confronted by God's Word.

our youth conference on Saturday went really well. our speaker was Rev. VanOlst from Rehoboth URC in Hamilton. his two talks were entitled "Called to Live the Christian Life" and "How to Life the Christian Life".

God showed me a lot of things. things that I still need to process. hard stuff. wonderful stuff. stuff to battle and wrestle with.

living the Christian life is a huge battle. against Satan. and i think sometimes, or more often than sometimes, i forget my first love (Rev.2).

if you love Me, keep My commandments.
and I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper,
that He may abide with you forever-
the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive,
because it neither sees Him nor knows Him;
but you know Him, for He dwells with you
and will be IN you.
I will not leave you orphans;
I will come to you.
John 14:15-18

wrapped up . . .

. . . in love.

but God demonstrates His own love toward us,

in that while we were still sinners,

Christ died for us.

romans 5:8

that's what I'm feeling right now. wrapped up in God's love.

God loves me. unconditionally. and sent His only Son to this earth. for me.

sometimes it is better to just dwell on the simplicity of God, and not try to figure Him out, or wonder if He's there. i know He's there. and that He loves me. because the Bible says He does. and if i'm not trying to reason it all out, i believe it with all my heart.

assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted

and become as little children,

you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

matthew 18:3

like i said. wrapped in God's love.

for i am persuaded that neither death nor life,

nor angels nor principalities nor powers,

not things present not things to come,

nor height nor depth,

nor any other created thing,

shall be able to separate us from the love of God

which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

romans 8:38-39

let it snow.

okay, i really don't like that song. playing it a million times every Christmas at the ballet studio has worn any of its goodness out of me. but it fits right now.

this morning i woke up to snow. and i was grumpy about it. i didn't want to have to go out in it. it looked cold and windy and miserable outside.

and then i went out in it. all afternoon. for music lessons.

and i decided that i was being ridiculous. kidding myself out of enjoying something so beautiful. so clean. so white. it made me think and feel these two things:

1. it made me think of how God washes us in Christ's blood. and makes us, as the metaphor goes, "white as snow".

2. its giving me the cozy feeling of a warm house, with a hot chocolate in your hand, and looking outside at the beauty of the ice cold snow covering the brownness of the earth. it's giving me the Christmas spirit. a month early:)

so let it snow. and snow. and snow.

again.

never under-estimate God. in any situation.

every time I do, He proves Himself yet again. and again.


i don't deserve it. but it brings me to my knees when He shows His power and love.

from my music history studying.

The practice of [music] is . . . a great part of my inner self. To me, it is the very air I breathe.
~ Clara Schumann

okay, so maybe not the air i breathe, but pretty close.

it's a huge-mungous part of my life anyway:)

wasteland. by mark mathis.

a song i've listened to a lot lately. and love it.


welcome to the wasteland of changed plans
where everything just fell through
welcome to the racetracks of broken backs
of men who just weren't strong enough

so lay your head upon this pillow
I'll be here if you want to sleep
I know you're tired of being alone
you'll be safe with Me

welcome to the graveyard where the hollow people are
who's bodies smell of the earth
i can see the toothless grins of the skeletons
that haunt you in the dark

so lay your head on this pillow
I'll be here if you want to sleep
I know you're tired of being alone
you'll be safe with Me

i was talking to me friend the other day
we were thinking about running away
all this emptiness erased
we're still running today
we're still running the race

welcome to the graceland of clean hands
where God has set us free
from all those empty, useless, vile things
that once was attached to me
i can see the cold, hard chains nailed to a tree
You set me free
i can feel the warmth of His blood
as i run through the stream

(i wasn't perfectly sure what he sings in the last line!
the cd doesn't come with printed lyrics,
and he didn't post them on the internet,
so i had to listen and hope these words are the right ones!!)

the free gift: grace.

this past weekend, I read the whole book of Romans at one time. I think doing that is so much more powerful, and makes everything so much easier to undestand in its context if you read a book that way.

one of the things that really stuck out at me was the fact that whether I am a Jew or a Gentile, my faith is not anything to be proud of. the only reason I believe is because of the FREE GIFT that God has given to me, FAITH by GRACE.

and since that is true, and God is not a God of partiality, in anything, we must never look down on others for what they do, or what they believe. we are no better than them. if God is not a God of partiality, there are no "white" sins or "black" sins. it is all the same, all just as horrible and ugly.

we are all sinners. and the only reason for our faith is free grace.

for when we were still without strength,

in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

for scarcely for a righteous man will one die;

yet perhaps for a good man

someone would even dare to die.

but God demonstrates His own love toward us,

in that while we were still sinners,

Christ died for us.

much more then, having now been justified by His blood,

we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

for if when we were enemies we were reconciled

to God through the death of His Son,

much more,

having been reconciled,

we shall be saved by His life.

and not only that,

but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

~Romans 5:6-11

more wedding pics.

it's kind of oldish news now, but i found another blog with pictures from Steve and Amy's wedding. there's are really nice one of Maria (Amy's sister) and i on there:) (for those of you who i promised to show pictures since I didn't get any. check it out. again, it's one of Steve's sisters blogs. you'll have to scroll down a bit, but you'll find them!!

http://www.myportionforever.blogspot.com/

fridays.

i think friday is my second favorite day (sunday is the best). because friday is the last study day before the weekend. firday means a whole day at home with no where to go all day. and it means baking:) which i like doing.

the weekend means i get to forget about the stress of studying for two whole days (except for practicing). and it usually involves family time, friends time, time with God and His family. spiritual encouragment. youth group. time when i get to be bored. which i admit, i don't like very much. but it's good all the same. because during the week, that time never finds me. it involves work at the ballet studio (which is the worst part about the weekends).

the weekend means God and church and singing and worship and the family of God.

Give unto the Lord the glory due His name;

Worship the Lord in the beauty (splendor) of holiness.

Psalm 29:2

i like the weekend.

home alone.

it's weird being home alone. what do you do when you're home alone?

i play music and sing really loud. or turn up my favorite cd. just to break the silence. (and cause then i know no one is watching and listening to my cracking voice:)






maybe i should re-think that. and use the silence for God time and prayer. with no distractions.

gotta go.

it's good to take a walk and notice the beauty around you when you're busy and troubled.

hmm.

my brother just came downstairs with a big peace of chocolate cake and icecream for me. now all that's missing is coffee.

sometimes life just seems too complicated. and other times it just seems too wonderful.

right now it's complicated.



i'm thinking i wouldn't survive this without God. and i'm really thankful for prayer and the Bible right now.

sorry.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteaous man avails much." 1 Peter 5:16

busy.

when life is too busy, i've discovered that as long as you don't forget about God, you'll make it.

and that reading people's blogs and talking with people about stuff is really encouraging. like filling up with gas. or eating when you're hungry.

God is amazing. and i wish i had a better way to describe what i mean, but He's that awesome. there aren't any words to describe Him and His goodness and love.

servants.

This is something that has been on my mind...without fail, continually...all week. And something I need some answers for.

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

revelation. of revelation.

Yesterday when I was in the waiting room at my harmony teachers house, listening to her play the piano, I was reading Revelation 1. This is what I read. Read it carefully. "See" the majesty and awesomeness of our King, Jesus Christ!

REVELATION CHAPTER ONE

Introduction and Benediction
1 The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants - things which must shortly take place. And He sent and signified it by His angel to His servant John,
2 who bore witness to the word of God, and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, to all things that he saw.
3 Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written in it; for the times is near.

Greeting the Seven Churches
4 John, to the seven churches which are in Asia:
Grace to you and peace from Him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven Spirits who are before His throne,
5 and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler over the kings of the earth. To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood.
6 and has made us kings and priets to His God and Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.
7 Behold, He is coming with clouds, and every eye will see Him, even they who pierced Him. And all the tribes of the earth will mourn because of Him. Even so, Amen.
8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End," says the Lord, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."

Vision of the Son of Man
9 I, John, both your brother and companion in the tribulation and kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was on the island that is called Patmos for the word of God and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.
10 I was in the Spirit on the Lord's Day, and I heard behind me a loud voice, as of a trumpet,
11 saying, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last," and, "What you see, write in a book and send it to the seven churches which are in Asia: to Ephesus, to Smyrna, to Pergamos, to Thyatira, to Sardis, to Philadelphia, and to Laodicea."
12 Then I turned to see the voice that spoke with me. And having turned I saw seven golden lampstands,
13 and in the midst of the seven lampstands One like the Son of Man, clothed with a garment down to the feet and girded about the chest with a golden band.
14 His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire;
15 His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters;
16 He had in His right hand seven stars, out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword, and His countenance was like the sun shining in its strength.
17 And when I saw Him, I feel at His feet as dead. But He laid His right hand on me, saying to me, "Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last.
18 "I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and Death.
19 "Write the things which you have seen, and the things which are, and the things which will take place after this.
20 "The mystery of the seven stars which you saw in My right hand, and the seven golden lampstands: The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven golden lampstands which you saw are the seven churches."

I don't think I'll ever be able to hear the greeting of verses 4b-6 in church again without praising God for those words, and for what they mean.

And then today, my 8 year old brother was practicing his memory work for Sunday School. It was this verse:

" Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name;
Worship the Lord in the beauty (splendor) of holiness."
Psalm 29:2

Yeah, pretty amazing. And just...

Hmm...think about it. The holiness and compassion and love and majesty and splendor of our eternal, glorious God and Father.

to be there.

what are friends for?

to be there.

to be there for each other. that's what i need most in a friend. what i cherish most in a friend. what i love most about the ones i have.

and the only thing i can do is thank the One who gave them to me. even when i don't deserve them. they're there anyway.

for something completely different from my last post.

As a piano teacher, I recommend you watch this hilarious video from youtube.com

Seriously...it's soooo good. Watch some of the other videos from igudesman and joo. They're very talented, but also very humorous. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOQaK7NHY-4

hold on.

It's snowing? Okay, I'm not quite ready for that yet. Wait a few more weeks.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I read this last night.

PSALM 77

To the Chief Musician.

To Jeduthun.

A Psalm of Asaph.

I cried out to God with my voice -

To God with my voice;

And He gave ear to me.

In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;

My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;

My soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God,

And was troubled;

I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.

SELAH.

You hold my eyelids open;

I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

I have considered the days of old,

The years of ancient times.

I call to remembrance my song in the night;

I meditate within my heart,

And my spirit makes diligent search.

Will the Lord cast off forever?

And will He be favorable no more?

Has His mercy ceased forever?

Has His promise failed forevermore?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?

SELAH.

And I said, "this is my anguish;

But I will remember the years of

the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the works of the Lord;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will also meditate on all Your work.

And talk of Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

Who is so great a God as our God?

You are the God who does wonders;

You have declared Your strength among the peoples.

You have with Your arm redeemed Your people,

The sons of Jacob and Joseph.

SELAH.

The waters saw You, O God;

The waters saw You, they were afraid;

The depths also trembled.

The clouds poured out water;

The skies sent out a sound;

Your arrows also flashed about.

The voice of Your thunder was in the whirlwind;

The lightnings lit up the world;

The earth trembled and shook.

Your way was in the sea,

Your path in the great waters,

And Your footsteps were not known.

You led Your people like a flock

By the hand of Moses and Aaron.

just cause i feel like talking.

I can't believe it's already November. Time flies when you're having fun. Fun? Okay, when you're busy with....tons of stuff.

I hate distractions. They are really bad. And I'm easily distracted. "Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established." Prov. 16:3 That's taking it literally, and probably twisting it a bit, but yeah. I need a verse for this. Any suggestions?

The guy that I rented a keyboard from at Long and McQuade in Cambridge this morning is pretty cool. He asked me how much I know about piano. So I told him I was working on my ARCT and he said he did that too. And then he asked me if I study anything besides classical stuff for the RCM...and of course, I said no. So he showed me a bit of cool jazz stuff. And how to do it. It looked pretty easy and sweet, but I'll have to practice it a bit. Pretty sweet stuff.

I love music. It's pretty much the best thing in the world...aside from God, and people. I hope I never stop learning cool things about it cause learning new things about music gets me super excited about it. And I like being excited about music. And good thing too, cause it's pretty much going to be a part of my life for...well, the rest of my life:) Sweetness!

Okay, so I think I'm really happy today. I like being happy. Sigh. :)

joy.

get joy. it's necessary. without joy, you'll die.


you'll suffocate.

"a merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."
Proverbs 15:13


Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.

pictures!

so mom found a blog with wedding pictures on it....and if you scroll down once you get past the wedding pictures, there are also some bridal shower ones too:)

it's one of Steve's sisters' blogs. enjoy!

http://asformeandmyhouse.blogspot.com/

amy and steve are married!!

so they're married. i can still hardly believe it's real.



the fact that i'm exhausted and slept like a baby reminds me of the long, hectic, but fun and happy day. so i know it's real.




i love you amy and steve! God bless.

sigh. of sadness, happiness, excitement, nervousness, etc.:)

it's tomorrow.






.

gulp. (of excitement and nervousness).

three more days until Amy and Steve get married.


three more days until they aren't Amy Vogel and Steve Williamson anymore.


three more days until they are:

Mr. and Mrs. Steve and Amy Williamson

yikes!!

this is sometimes how i feel.

i write clever words on paper
i sometimes think i dont belive at all
ive never felt so fake
so false
im such a liar
i couldnt even look him in the eyes
he was 25 like i was
but he was deaf and slowly going blind
he made my faith seem worthless
the things i hoped were pointless
and he fought to stay but
always dreamed that he could leave this place

the angels wings will cover you tonight
hallelujah
press your head
against the breast of christ
hallelujah

It made me feel so empty
collapsing on some dirty bathroom floor
and isn't it just like me to warn his passing breath
when he will never suffer anymore
beautiful his pictures
fading black and silver
and i sing of faith but his was true and fierce
and i will miss him

the angels wings will cover you tonight
hallelujah
press your head against the breast of christ
hallelujah

the angels wings will cover you tonight
hallelujah
press your head against the breast of christ
hallelujah

Estrella by BraveSaintSaturn

happy sigh.

it's interesting to listen to someone tune a piano. that's what i'm doing right now.


it's very satisfying to hear two notes played together go from making you cringe to sounding perfectly in tune.



i wonder if that's how God feels when He points out things in our lives and we repent of them. and strive to live righteous before Him.

it can hurt when God tries to tune us by His Word. but the result can be wonderful if we let God work.

God is good.

Happy Thanksgiving.

"Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles!
Laud Him, all you peoples!
For His merciful kindness is great toward us,
And the truth of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord!"
-Psalm 117

a year.

I was just thinking about Thanksgiving this weekend.

And I realized that on Sunday, it will be one year since I started this blog. This year has been such a long year, and yet it was also so short.

It would be interesting to read all of my posts from the past year. In thinking about all the things I have to thank God for this year, reading things that I wrote about over the past year will help me in remembering all the things I've gone through. All the good times. All the bad times.

another song.

by 4HIM.

Anyone who comes to You
Anyone at all
With arms wide open
Anyone who reaches out
Anytime at all
With a heart that's broken
You will be their shelter
You will have an answer
For anyone who ever cries out
In need

I believe
There You will be

I stand on Your promise
Your love is forever
And I believe with all my heart
You are my one and only Savior
You are the calm when my world falls apart
And to the ends of the earth
And for the rest of my life
I'll carry the light

Anytime I turn to You
Anytime at all
I find You waiting
Waiting for the chance to help me
Hold me, heal me
Show me
Just how amazing life can be
When you know what it is
To be free
To be free

Over the mountains
Into the valleys
Crossing the oceans
I'll carry the light
And through the darkness
And to all the hopeless
For all the broken


Thank You Jesus!

gloria.

Gloria, in excelces deo. 

Glory, gloria. 

Too weak to wonder, 

too tired to care, 

Jesus Christ, are you really there? 

I've fallen down, 

Can't pull myself back up. 

I'm going to drown, have mercy, 

Have mercy. 

I need you now, 

Not words or a feeling. 

But Jesus Christ, 

I've hit the ceiling. 

Your love, 

Your mercy, 

Your light unending. 

Your hope, 

Your peace, 

Your strength my heart is mending.